When it comes to academics, there are honestly some days where I feel like one big phony.
At this point, it’s all a game. Go to class, speak up, do the readings, write the papers, give the professors what they want. It’s funny how the deeper I have gotten in my upper-level courses, the more I know this isn’t what I want to do with my life. Academia isn’t for me. I don’t want to be a student anymore. When I speak up in class, when I write papers, when I look like I’m so on top of things, it’s all an act. It’s me playing the game to get the grade.
I want to do something meaningful with my life. I’m sick of sitting around. I’m sick of playing the game. There are times when I feel like Rapunzel, trapped in her tower, singing about all the mindless things she does to pass the time. The parallel isn’t perfect, of course. I lack magic hair, an emotionally abusive mother figure, and am certainly not trapped in a tower. But I’m tired of waiting.
I’m so close to graduating. There’s just a couple of months standing between me and finally getting my degree. My life is going places–big, exciting, unknown places.
Do I have it in me to play the game for just a few more months? I sure hope so.