On Growing Up

These days it feels like every time I open Facebook, someone I know has either gotten engaged, married, or pregnant.  When it started happening a few years ago, the people were my brother’s age–older, more mature.  Now, it’s my peers who are tying the knot and starting families.

Every time this happens, a little pang goes through my stomach.

I still feel like such a kid.  In my head, I’m still that ten-year old girl who often asked herself: “What do I want to be when I grow up?”  In the eyes of the world, however, I’m a legal adult starting a career.  You would think that three months of farm work and endless time spent in my head would help me put two and two together.  But I’m still relatively clueless.

I’ve thought about a lot of things.  It’s my dream of all dreams to do Christian ministry work in Europe.  But I’m beginning to see that dreams don’t happen overnight.  Any European plans are likely to be down the road.  What, then, shall I do in the meantime?

Should I go back to school and become a teacher?  Should I take the GRE, apply to grad school, and become a librarian?  Should I just take a random job, just to start somewhere, and reevaluate?  If I do the last option, should that job be in my home community?  In the cities?  In a state far away?

So many questions.  So few answers.

Why is growing up so hard?

5 thoughts on “On Growing Up

  1. jessplainsong August 29, 2015 / 12:25 am

    Don’t make me do adult today! No adulting for me! It’s cool not to be quite grown up yet. You’ve your whole life to do adult. Why rush into it so fast?!

    • Amelia August 29, 2015 / 11:24 am

      My sentiments exactly! (Although I wouldn’t mind having the basics figured out, just to be safe.)

      • jessplainsong August 29, 2015 / 8:03 pm

        Life is not about safety for young people. Surely. Take a few risks. Explore! Get outside your comfort zone. Travel without preconceptions to Europe and just observe a world outside your own little oyster. I dunno. Seems to me you want someone to give you a gentle nudge (or big butt kick) and send you out into the world! So go already.

  2. brittabottle August 30, 2015 / 9:34 pm

    I feel like a kid, too. I just recently got a credit card and even that scared the hell out of me! Like, a credit card is SO ADULT!

    whatever path you choose will be the right one, Amelia…I’m certain of that. I know it’s cliche and you’ve probably heard it all before…but the fact that you’re worrying about this at all is a sign that you will.

    Ugh, Facebook is the worst, though. I think it makes growing up even harder because whether you mean to or not, you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others who are posting all of their exciting growing up news there. There’s always is that part of me that feels slightly inadequate when I see all these people getting engaged and married now. But then I remember that I don’t even want any of that right now. I’m not even looking for a relationship…why would I want to be married? Who needs to be married yet these days, anyhow? I have so many solo adventures to go on (starting with Thailand) before tying the knot with ANYONE. That’s just me, though. 🙂

    • Amelia August 30, 2015 / 9:47 pm

      As always, thanks for the encouragement, Britta! You’re so right. It WILL all come together. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and wait for the pieces to fall into place.
      Facebook really is a place that breeds comparison. All people ever post are their highlights, so all you see is a fabricated, pristine version of everyone’s lives. Which makes you feel bad about all the gunk in yours. In reality, everyone has gunk. It just hides behind carefully penned statuses and cover photos. I’m right with you regarding feeling a bit inadequate, but like you just said, I too remind myself that I’ve got WAY too much to do, see, and explore on my own before I even want to think about adding another person (or tiny infant) to the mix. I certainly want all those things someday–but that someday is a long way off. For those that get married young, I’m really happy for them. But I’m A-Okay with being single in the here and now. It’s just jarring, thinking about all the adultishness that comes with those things and they’re the same age as we are! I can’t imagine bearing that responsibility. They probably feel more like children than we do.

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