As I drove home from work one evening this week, I got thinking about the variety of the experiences you can have being alone. I have a great deal of friends near and far, but I’ve spent a lot of time in my own company over the years–sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance.
For example, as an introvert, I spend a great deal of time in my own company and love times of peace and solitude. I work a job that is heavy on customer service, so at the end of the day, all I want is to curl up in my room and read my book. I’ve recently taken up hiking and, when I have the trail to myself, the world gets all quiet in a way that fills up my spirit. Being alone is restful–a haven away from the loudness of life.
As another year comes to a close, it’s time to reflect.
By global standards, 2016 was pretty much a train wreck. Personally, though, it was a beautiful journey that I will tell in three parts.
A year ago, I was an unemployed college graduate with no idea of what I wanted to do with myself. You see, for the majority of my life, my intuition has been my guide. Until this point, early every major life decision has been guided by instinct. College? My gut lead me to the right fit. Major? My heart found home in the English Department. Work at camp in the summers? It just felt right.
The future, however, holds infinite possibilities and the prospective paths had me absolutely paralyzed. I had absolutely no idea of anything. My intuition, the little tug that pulls me in the next direction, had failed.
So, at the beginning of 2016, I felt my heart tugging me back to Europe and, against all logic, I followed. Continue reading →
I’ve noticed this book every time I’ve browsed through the Young Adult Fiction section at Target and finally decided to give it a shot. Being a bit of a world explorer, I’ve always been drawn to coming-of-age-in-Europe tales and was excited to get a taste of Italy.
Love & Gelato by Jenna Evans Welch
“I made the wrong choice.”
Lina is spending the summer in Tuscany, but she isn’t in the mood for Italy’s famous sunshine and fairy-tale landscape. She’s only there because it was her mother’s dying wish that she get to know her father. But what kind of father isn’t around for sixteen years? All Lina wants to do is get back home.
But then she is given a journal that her mom had kept when she lived in Italy. Suddenly Lina’s uncovering a magical world of secret romances, art, and hidden bakeries. A world that inspires Lina, along with the ever-so-charming Ren, to follow in her mother’s footsteps and unearth a secret that has been kept for far too long. It’s a secret that will change everything she knew about her mother, her father—and even herself.
People come to Italy for love and gelato, someone tells her, but sometimes they discover much more.
When one travels for an extended period of time, certain aspects of foreign life cease to leave you in wonder. Cobbled streets, castles, and cathedrals blend together. It’s just another city, just another place to walk, just another destination. Your feet become weary and your heart longs for home.
And then… out of nowhere, a city sneaks up on you and gives you a sucker punch to the gut. You’re absolutely breathless and it’s a little painful because it came when you didn’t expect it.
For me, Vienna was just a place on the map–a grand capital to check off my list, a place to become a little more cultured. I didn’t expect the city to move me. I didn’t expect to fall in love. Continue reading →
Traveling alone is, in many ways, a liberating adventure… but like anything, it’s got it’s challenges. Being able to come and go as you please is a blessing, but what is the point of experiencing beautiful places if you without someone to share it with?
Encouraged by my L’Abri tutor and several friends, I took footage throughout my month-long journey aiming to make a video. Doing so helped me through the loneliness that can come with solo travel by giving me a way to bring others into my adventures. As I travelled, the thought of making this video really did help me during the rough days. Instead of feeling sad and mopey about being alone, I was so focused on and excited about capturing my experiences in a creative way that negativity was driven from my mind. The idea kept me going. Continue reading →
Well… after four months living abroad, I’m finally home in Minnesota. I’m sure that nostalgia and longing to be out in the world will come eventually, but right now, all I feel is drained. Continue reading →
After being on the road for a month, living out of a suitcase and staying in hostels, the thought of going home is strange.
It’s bliss to imagine all the comforts of home: Understanding the language, sleeping in the same bed for more than a few nights, not having strangers coming in and out at odd hours while I sleep, actually eating regular meals… The list goes on. Continue reading →
I’ve spent the past few days staying with friends in the city of Innsbruck, Austria. It’s a stunning city, located in a wide valley in the middle of the Tirol Provence. Unfortunately… my first couple of days were rainy. Most of yesterday was spent enjoying the city center–sitting in cafes and wandering into beautiful Baroque churches. I knew there were mountains (after all, I’ve been here before!), but couldn’t actually see anything. That is… until today.
This morning, I had the opportunity to go hiking with my friend Anna and her mother. Thankfully, I’ve been traveling in a pair of heavy-duty boots and was well prepared for the climb. Continue reading →
Yesterday afternoon, I arrived in Nuremberg and, after briefly settling into my hostel, hit the city. As the sun began to set, I wandered around the old town, soaking in ancient churches, marketplaces, and the beautiful castle.
Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady)
View of the city from the castle
Then I did my research.
I knew that Nuremberg was an important city for the Nazis, but not much beyond that. Before going to bed last night, I found some old photos that were uncanny. They depicted Hitler, flanked by crowds of swastika-waving supporters, parading through the streets. What bothered me wasn’t necessarily the pomp–I’ve studied history and have seen such photos before. What bothered me was that the churches, marketplaces, and even the castle gleaming in the background of the photos were the same ones I had been admiring only a few hours before.
I dedicated my day to seeing Nazi-related sites. My main stop was the Documentation Centre, a museum dedicated to the rise and fall of Nazi Germany. I spent hours in the museum, going from room to room. The entire exhibit was in German, but thanks to an audio guide, I was able to follow along in English. I encountered the Third Reich in a way I never have before. In American schools, they don’t explain all the steps that lead to Hitler’s rise in power.
Luitpoldhalle area, where the Nazis annually did a ceremony where they honored the dead from the first World War.
Luitpoldhalle. April, 2016
Until today, Nazi Germany was just lines in a textbook or scenes in a movie. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I understand now. I understand the political tactics Hitler took on his route to dictatorship–well, not all of them, but enough to appreciate his cunning. I understand the fear-mongering. I understand the purpose of the rallies–to whip up the people into an emotional fervor that keeps them from rationally realizing they’re being manipulated. I understand the indoctrination of young people. I understand the appeal of a unified country with a single, shared identity. I understand the dehumanization of entire classes of people.
I understand… and I feel the weight upon my shoulders. So many times as I walked through the exhibit, I wanted to break down weeping. For the second time in my life, I feel like I encountered pure evil.
Pure evil is intelligent. It tells lies, it manipulates, it preys on fears, takes advantage of ignorance, and silences any voices other than its own. The most dangerous thing about evil is that it disguises itself as truth.
And, God, the consequences.
The museum didn’t shy away from the Holocaust. It hit it straight on, explaining in detail the different concentration camps, what they were used for, who went there, and how many people lost their lives to starvation, forced labor, biological experiments, and the gas chambers. Millions of human lives exterminated, slaughtered, killed like animals. I don’t know if I will ever forget the photos of the malnourished naked corpses piled in the dirt and grime.
Of all the Nazi’s actions, what disturbs me most is probably dehumanization. I believe that people are made in the image of God, therefore the simple act of being human deserves dignity and respect. Our humanity is what links us together–we differ in language, culture, and appearance, but at the end of the day, we are all human. To deprive a person of their dignity is disgusting. To strip away their humanity is disturbing. But to slaughter millions of people… horrifying.
Sadly, I wasn’t able to visit the courthouse where the Nuremberg Trials took place after World War II ended. For some reason, it was closed today. But I did spend a few hours wandering around the grounds where the Nazis had their rallies. The once-grand structures have fallen into decay–a remnant of history that Germany doesn’t care to preserve. As I stood on the balcony where Hitler delivered some of his greatest speeches, I could imagine the scene: Banners waving, people cheering, thousands of soldiers in perfect regiments raising their arms.
I’ve loved my time in Nuremberg. It’s a beautiful city. I’ve loved wandering its historic streets and meditating in its grand churches. What more, I’ve entered into–no–I’ve been sucked into history here. I’ve encountered the past in a way that is so much deeper than storing away facts intellectually. My emotions and deeper being have been touched. It’s not often that I’m moved in this way and to experience it here has been incredible.
I’m so glad I came here. Tomorrow, my adventures in Germany continue as I head south to the town of Konstanz near the Swiss border. I’ve got an early bus and need to pull away from the blog so I can pack my bags…
I’m about two weeks into my European adventure… and boy, is it going fast. It feels like yesterday that I was preparing to leave L’Abri and now I’ve been to Scotland, Holland, and Germany. There are so many posts I want to write, but every time I sit down, I’m too exhausted to find the words.
(On a side note, if you want more frequent updates, I post photos regularly on Instagram. My username is ameliab648. I keep my account private, so send a request.)
Maybe some day, I’ll tell you about the two days I spent in Utrecht with my Dutch friends, Jorijn and Petra. Maybe someday, I’ll tell you about wandering the beautiful town of Heidelberg, Germany. Maybe someday, I’ll tell you about all the footage I’m taking on my phone for videography projects.
Today, though, I’ll tell you that traveling alone is hard, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. After months surrounded by people all the time, it is sometimes comforting to be alone. Sometimes, though, it’s not. It’s lonely and, at points, I long for someone to share my adventures with. Often times, I’ll go a full day without having a single conversation. When I come to stretches of my journey where I’m staying with people, I find it hard to stop talking. All the words that have been building rush out.
So far, I have only had one emotional meltdown and that was because I forgot to take care of my basic needs. When you haven’t eaten or slept for a long time, your body tends to shut down. In order to pay for all the museums and castles (and ensure that I’ll still have money when I get home) I’m keeping myself on a tight budget, so most of my meals have been supermarket food–sandwiches, yogurt, bananas, salad, nuts. It’s healthy food and keeps me going. I do like to splurge once in every country to try an authentic meal.
I’ve learned that half the battle is the hostel. When living on the road, it’s important to feel secure in the place you sleep. No matter where I am, I see my bed as a safe place, a refuge from the chaos of the world. My bed is my temporary home. In it, I can relax, breathe, and have peace. There are other things, though, that make or break a hostel: cleanliness, locker space in the rooms, plugs by every bed, good wifi, and a self service kitchen. It’s important to know that my laptop and phone will have a place to charge, that my belongings will be secure when I am gone, and that I can cook a hot meal for myself.
As I journey from place to place on busses, trains, and airplanes, I usually pass the time with a book. I’m reading That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis, the final novel in his Space Trilogy. It’s a pretty heavy book, so I’m taking my time with it. Being in the Scottish Highlands put me in the mood for Susanna Kearsley, who writes historical romances. I’ve finished The Winter Sea and am close to the end of The Firebird.
Another important part of any adventure is the soundtrack! Music helps me stay sane as I wait out long bus rides and navigate strange cities. Since its release on Friday, I’ve been listening non-stop to The Lumineers’ new album, Cleopatra. Here’s the title track:
I wish I could write more, but I’m off to catch my bus to Nuremberg… Until next time!