Tomorrow, I’m getting on a flight to England.
In many ways, preparing for a journey is simple. Make a list of all the things that need to be done, line up the details, and cross them off one by one. Pack my bags, print out flight details, and marathon the final season Downton Abbey. (I can’t go to the UK without knowing how it ends!)
However, there are things you can’t put on a list and cross off… like emotions.
In many ways, I’m really excited to finally be on my way. For months, I’ve been dreaming, waiting, and hoping for this journey. It boggles my mind to think that, one week from now, I will be at L’Abri living a completely different life.
But… excitement isn’t all I’m feeling.
I’m also nervous. Nervous about travel plans, nervous about logistics, nervous about details. In my head, I know everything will be just fine. The last time I flew overseas, I missed my flight and they lost my luggage, causing me to hyperventilate in the middle of the Air Canada Customer Service line. Even if the worst happens, I know I can handle it. But that doesn’t stop the fluttering in my stomach.
More than anything, I’m sad. I love my family and home so much. I’ve loved living here for the past nine months. I’ve cherished every moment. There are a thousand of things I’m going to miss: family dinners, sleeping in my own bed, cuddling with my cats, going for walks in the orchard… As thrilling as change is, it’s also really hard. Whether I come home in four months as planned or in a year, things will never go back to the way they are now. This time at home has been, in many ways, a return to childhood. But I’m twenty three. I can’t be a child forever. It’s time to grow up and move on.
I’m thirsty for adventure, but adventure comes at a cost. Striking out solo, getting on an airplane for the other side of the world, chasing the horizon is thrilling. But it comes with the pain of being separated from people and places I deeply love.
Ultimately, I need to go. I feel it deep within my very being. If I don’t take this chance, I’ll always wonder.
I’ll end this post with a quote from the book Love Does by Bob Goff.
“Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It’s not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He’s made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, ‘Let’s go do that together.'”
This trip is me responding to this invitation. Whatever happens from here will be bigger and more beautiful than anything I can imagine.