Because of the length of Minnesota’s winters, when Spring comes, it’s a big deal.
Immediately, there is a shift on campus. Even though it may only be forty-five degrees, everyone is suddenly in shorts and flip-flops. The mall is suddenly filled with students laughing, throwing frisbees, and even sunbathing. The library is dead quiet.
Despite all there is to do between me and graduation, I find it difficult to resist the allure of warm weather. After five months of snow, wind, and subzero temperatures, I long to abandon the books and soak in the sunlight. I changed up my workout routine and abandoned the gym to, for the first time in my life, go on a real-person, non-treadmill run. My body was (and still is) pretty unhappy with me (running is HARD), but it was worth it to be outside.
Last night, I drove to my Bible study in the next town over with the windows down. My arm rested casually on the ledge, hand waving in the wind. I blasted Cloud Cult and watched the prairie zoom by, not a care in the world.
Sometimes, it feels so good to ditch studying and soak in the sun.
When it comes to academics, there are honestly some days where I feel like one big phony.
At this point, it’s all a game. Go to class, speak up, do the readings, write the papers, give the professors what they want. It’s funny how the deeper I have gotten in my upper-level courses, the more I know this isn’t what I want to do with my life. Academia isn’t for me. I don’t want to be a student anymore. When I speak up in class, when I write papers, when I look like I’m so on top of things, it’s all an act. It’s me playing the game to get the grade.
I want to do something meaningful with my life. I’m sick of sitting around. I’m sick of playing the game. There are times when I feel like Rapunzel, trapped in her tower, singing about all the mindless things she does to pass the time. The parallel isn’t perfect, of course. I lack magic hair, an emotionally abusive mother figure, and am certainly not trapped in a tower. But I’m tired of waiting.
I’m so close to graduating. There’s just a couple of months standing between me and finally getting my degree. My life is going places–big, exciting, unknown places.
Do I have it in me to play the game for just a few more months? I sure hope so.